The Night is Darkest Just Before the Dawn

Yesterday, I held my debut novel in my hands for the very first time. “Night & Day”, by Sherrie Hansen. I’ve been waiting to see my name in print on the cover of a book since well before I started actively writing, over 10 years. In my child’s imagination, it has been my dream since I was about ten years old.

So, why, now, when it is a “done deal”, am I feeling less than thrilled? Why, when this is what I’ve always wanted, is the thought of my words being read by family, friends and strangers alike making me feel so naked that all I want to do is run, get into bed, and hide under the covers?

For a few hours this morning, I have the power to say, “Forget it. This was a mistake. My book isn’t ready to be published. I’m not ready to be published.”  Then, it is out of my hands… out there… released… in print… awful, undeniable print.

These are my words. I was not delirious when I wrote them. I take ownership for them. I have worked hard to make them the best they can be. In my better moments, I am extremely proud of them.

So why, now, at the dawn of seeing my book in print, am I having this crisis of confidence? Why is the night so black? Why is the thought of daybreak so frightening?

It’s midnight in Minnesota and daybreak in Denmark…

I have always been a Creature of the Night. A Night Owl. A Dreamer. I’ve seen thousand of sunsets, only a handful of sunrises.

Night & Day, by Sherrie Hansen, who like Jensen Marie Christiansen, is so reticent of change that she wants only to cling to the dark night of the way it’s always been.

It’s the dawning of a new day. This is what I’ve always wanted, isn’t it?

About these ads

4 Comments

Filed under books, musings, Sherrie Hansen, writing

4 responses to “The Night is Darkest Just Before the Dawn

  1. Sherrie,

    I think it’s always scary when we put our work out there. So long as it’s in our hands, on our computer, it’s ours and safe. When it faces our readers, no matter how good it is, we worry. What ifs dive- bomb us. It’s like seeing our child leave for the first day of kindergarten. We’re proud, scared, and sad. We know the natural progression of life is happening, but on the other hand we want to stop time. “No, he’s not ready…”

    I think all you can do is take a deep breath and let go…

  2. sherriehansen

    Thanks, Sia. I appreciate your thoughts… Sherrie

  3. I’m happy for you. As scary as it is, you can do it!

  4. Sherrie, we all felt the exact same way holding the books in our hands. There are so many self doubts and fears. It’s the dream where you are naked in public, but it’s suddenly true! So what happens when you find yourself naked in public, and they applaud?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s