Wish List, by Carole Howard

It’s my birthday today. There, I’ve said it.

If you’re wondering what you could get me, and you can’t manage to bring about peace in the Middle East or an end to childhood hunger, here are some other ideas – of both the sublime and the ridiculous persuasion. If you could work any of them out, I’d really appreciate it.


I’d like it if:

… all politicians told the truth.

… ice cream were really really good for you.

… they didn’t have to torture those poor geese to make foie gras – what my friend calls “Liver Haagen Dazs.” Then I could start eating it again.

… I could read as fast as my niece, who seems to inhale books.

… all schools, public and private, were as good as the very best schools are now – and I’m not talking about the results of standardized tests.

… my left-hand pinky were a little longer, so I could get some of those notes on the violin without feeling like my finger’s on the rack.

…everyone bought, read, liked, and reviewed my books. (I just couldn’t resist.)

every citizen did some community service: military, Peace Corps, road-building, candy-striper, whatever.

… ice cream were really really good for you. (You say I listed that one already? Oh well.)

… the blooming period of peonies and lilacs were longer. I’d settle for just two extra weeks. I honestly don’t think I’d value them any less if they weren’t so fleeting.

… there were no mosquitos. (Actually that one’s for my husband. You’re welcome, honey.)

… ice cream were…… Oh right. I’ve mentioned that one already.

There are so many more. I haven’t even gotten to cures for various diseases, finding a place to put your purse when driving a car, or accommodating lefties in a right-handed world.

If you have any wishes – wacky or realistic – that I might also like, I’ll add them to my list. Tag, you’re it.

* * *

Carole Howard is the author of Deadly Adagio, published by Second Wind Publishing.


Filed under Humor

12 responses to “Wish List, by Carole Howard

  1. Happy Birthday, Carole! I like these carhooks for my purse (and groceries, etc), though it still isn’t ideal: http://www.containerstore.com/shop?productId=10030474&N=&Ntt=Car+purse+hook
    Wouldn’t you think a female car engineer would have figured this one out already?!? Personally, I would add a sunscreen pill to your list. I’m only about a week into the daily application to myself and my kids (which is akin to applying it to a squirrel) and I’m already totally over it. How is there not a pill for this?!? Preferably ice cream flavored 🙂

  2. Oh, Sarah, I love those hooks and am going to order them right away. Actually, I heard a few years ago that a female engineer had designed a car with purse-room, but I never did find out which car it was. And the sunscreen-pill is a great idea! Can’t wait for you or someone else to invent it. Thanks.

  3. Have a lovely day.May lots of your dearest wishes come true. Not everything because you always need an extra wish handy. All the very best. Kris.

  4. Dearest Carole, I am overdue to read your latest book and I will flog myself all the way to the bookstore to get a copy of it today in honor of your birthday.
    As for ice cream, take heart; ice cream is good for constipation. Sorry to make such an antagonistic association with our beloved commodity but it does provide some benefits beyond the pleasure of the palate.
    Mosquitos suck. No help there. Happy Birthday!

  5. Diane, I’m so happy to hear ice cream has its medicinal purposes so I can eat it even if I don’t need it at the time, but for preventive purposes! Hope you like the book!

  6. Thank you Chris, and thank you Seyi.

  7. I think my husband is thoroughly convinced that ice cream is good for you. He also says I’m un-American since I’d much rather have chocolate, or coffee. Cake looks good too. Happy birthday!

    • Wait a second, Sheila! I can understand preferring chocolate to ice cream. But coffee? Well, if it’s first thing in the morning, I guess I’m with you there. But after that, it’s gotta be ice cream. Thanks for commenting. And thanks for the birthday wish.

  8. Lisa Howard

    A sunscreen pill… genius! When Sarah invents it, I’ll help sell it to everyone I know! And as for ice cream, go for it. Happiest of birthdays, mom! xoxo

  9. First of all, Happy belated Birthday, Carole! Now, I have a house with cathedral ceilings and plant-shelves in every room, and little floor space for ladder legs. I wish someone would invent an hydraulic rolling ladder with locking base, so I can get up to my books located on those plant-shelves. The idea is that when on the ladder, you can push a button and rise straight up to the shelves. When someone invents that, we can all have ice cream to celebrate!
    Clever post! I loved it!!!

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