Gun Control

It’s not just what you say or even how you say it.  It’s when and where.  No matter how prophetic your thought nor how reasonably it is presented, it can come off poorly when spoken at the wrong time.  This occurred to me as I was stating how dull and pointless golf was and how young people should find more productive things to do with their time just as Rory McElroy walked by.

I never seem to be at the right place and time to express myself.  I sorely wish I had been in the studio as Alex Jones went phycho on Piers Morgan over the very suggestion of gun control.  I wish I had been as it would have been a perfect opportunity to say absolutely nothing.  As a believer in the need for gun control in America, I could not possibly have made a better argument for restriction than did Jones.  Who in their right mind would have put a loaded gun in the hands of that ranting, screaming, frothing lunatic at that moment?  I guarantee you the whole studio would have been diving for cover.

I firmly believe in the U.S. Constitution and support its need in America.  Far more than Jones, in fact, as he screamed that Piers Morgan should be deported for speaking his mind about a political issue.  This in itself directly contradicts the very Constitution over which he was so busy making an ass of himself.  But despite his short-sided temper tantrum, at no point in history did the constitution grant Americans the right to keep and bear automatic weapons.  I can’t imagine them writing these laws back in 1791 and thinking “What about machine guns?”

“There’s no such thing,” another might have said.  “It takes half an hour to load a gun.”

“But they might invent them.”

“True.  But let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.  Now what about plasma disbursing ray guns?”

The second amendment to the Constitution grants Americans the right to keep and bear arms but not any arms.  When the son of a prominent celebrity was arrested for having an anti-aircraft cannon in his living room, he did not try to claim his constitutional right to have it.  Why?  Because he had no such right.  This proves there is a line but where is that line drawn?  What is an allowable firearm and what is a phallic crutch for an insecure, paranoid lunatic (like Jones)?

To define this we must look at why the law was drafted in the first place.  Like most laws back then, this law was drafted primarily because it was something the British didn’t want us to have.  People under British rule in “acquired” countries were rarely permitted to carry weapons.  This is why such activities as the highland games and hurling were conceived.  It gave people an excuse to carry potentially dangerous things.  (Hurling is actually about 3,000 years old but they knew the Brits were coming) The Brits knew too well that if they put a loaded weapon in the hands of an Scot, an Irishman, a North African, an Indian, an American… the first thing they’d have done was point it at the closest Brit.  So they did in America as they had in so many other places and impose law forbidding weapons.

British law was fairly oppressive way back then.  People were taxed to backbreaking degrees though the taxed masses had no say in how their taxes were spent.  The government was rich and corrupt.  Courts were biased.  People were forced to pay for a licence just to own a television… (Wait. Nevermind that one).  Even the right to choose a religion was at the discretion of the crown.  So when the yanks began making their own laws, they drew them up less to give us what we wanted than to give us what England didn’t want us to have.  We deliberately contradicted every right denied us by the British.  They taxed us as they chose so we adopted the “Taxation without Representation” law.  We can have any religion we want or none if we choose and they don’t even get to ask us what we chose.  I spent five years as a Frisbitarian.  Worshiping the Frisbee, we believed when you die your soul goes up on the roof and you can’t get it down.  We can believe that if we want.

America was committed to going anti-British where ever possible.  This is why it’s so hard to get back bacon or a decent cup of tea in America (and don’t even get me started on page three in the papers).  If it was British, we didn’t want it.  If they didn’t want us to have it, we took it by the boatload.

We didn’t need a law surrounding guns as we mostly carried them anyway.  Without grocery stores, people generally had to shoot what they ate and for that they needed guns.  Law enforcement was sporadic and localised so people with anything worth taking had to defend it themselves.  Again, the trusty firearm was called for.  These were the only legitimate reasons a private citizen needed a firearm and this remains true today.  You don’t hunt deer or duck with an assault rifle.  Should an intruder enter your home and you haven’t stopped him by the sixth shot from your pistol, a seventh is little more than noise polution.  There simply is no justification for allowing automatic weapons to be owned or sported by other than the military and only simple-minded, insecure halfwits like Alex Jones could find a true argument to the contrary.  But he also thinks Bush ordered the attack on 9/11 and Russia is a giant space ship that came here from the planet Glignon27 to enslave us.  Let him speak at every gun and anti-gun rally.  He’s the best possible spokesman for gun control I can imagine.  In fact, I’m inviting him to the next conference on planned parenthood.

1 Comment

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One response to “Gun Control

  1. I love this post!

    By the way, I left GB and moved to US. Does that make me a more authentic American?

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